Man tries to turn poo into gold. Plus, cigarette costumes for babies, 500 clowns in Mexico, piano playing robots, a washing machine video game, and a review of BBC4′s Holy Monty Python. Contains strong language and a giant slipper.

Who the hell is Dean Friedman? Plus, heavily armed golfers, lost in a maze, penguin crime wave, Muppet porn, a piranha fish pedicure and the art of hiding Scrabble pieces in the anus. Also, Brian fancies a sherry trifle and Georgina plays the goddamn Stylophone again. Contains strong language and nudity from the start.

X-Factor for garden fences. Plus, the military applications of bulimia, the official lard of the Olympics, a torch that makes you vomit, half a toilet brush called Smithy, and a storage heater factory in Gravesend. May contain strong language.